Happy Birthday,
Baby Boy.
March 3, 2007
It's hard to believe where I was
28 years ago today.
March 3, 1979 was a Saturday and a
few weeks after one of the biggest
blizzards to ever hit Howard County,
Maryland. Though most of the snow
had melted, the chill lingered and
my anxious anticipation for spring
nearly exceeded my anticipation of
the birth of my first child. His due
date was February 1st (obviously
miscalculated), and I, nineteen and
almost two years married waited
impatiently for the day when Dominic
would finally arrive.
I knew I
would name him Dominic since I was
twelve years old. I saw the movie,
The Singing Nun with Debbie
Reynolds. There was a little boy in
the movie that was the object of her
ministry and affection. She wrote
and sang a song for him - and I knew
from that day, that I would name my
first son Dominic and sing him that
song. I often dreamed of him between
then and March 3, 1979. I could see
him in my mind and knew there was a
bond between us even before he came
to be.
That Saturday morning my water broke
and we went to Howard County
Hospital. I never went into labor
and the baby over 8 lbs., so Dr.
Ashai recommended a C-section.
Dominic was born in the afternoon
and I only saw him briefly. Just
after he they cleaned him, suctioned
and wrapped him in a warm blanket,
they laid him next to me. I will
never lose the memory of the first
glimpse of Dominic. His eyes were
clenched shut and his tiny fingers -
too long for his little hands were
pointing to his face - as if to say,
"Put me back - I don't like it out
here." Because I was being stitched
up and my arms were fastened to the
surgery table, I couldn't hold him
or touch him - except with my eyes.
In those days, hospital staff
whisked away all C-section babies to
a nursery where they were observed
in isoletts for at least 24 hours.
Because I had just had surgery, I
couldn't walk to the nursery to see
him. When they wheeled me back to my
room after delivery, the person
pushing my gurney stopped briefly at
the nursery window and signaled for
a nurse to lift Dominic up so I
could see him. She held him up and I
heard my sister unaware I was
present say to our mother, "Oh look!
There he is - they're holding him
up. He's so beautiful."
The first twenty-four hours after
delivery were unbearable because I
couldn't see Dominic or hold him.
Finally they brought him to me. I
recall everything from that moment
in detail, the fractured daylight
coming through the blinds, the
coolness of the hospital room, and
the smell and feel of Dominic, the
blanket he was wrapped in with the
pink and blue stripe. I took him in
my arms put him to my breast and
felt myself move from child to a
woman somewhere in those first
moments. What I was becoming was
beyond my control - but it was a
good thing. I never knew I could
love something so much.
 We
brought Dominic home to a room
perfectly prepared for him right
down to the handmade blanket,
pillow, curtains and stuffed monkey
I sewed while anticipating his
welcomed arrival. I couldn't hold
him enough. I had heard stories and
read about the trials of a newborn
and the fatigue parents felt by
having to meet the demands of a
sleepless baby trying to get used to
the world. Yet I joyfully left the
comfort of my bed to respond to his
cries. I remember rocking him in the
middle of the night in those early
weeks - singing songs I remembered
my mother and grandmother singing as
if they were always in my head. My
husband came out to tell me that I
was a good mother - a rare
compliment from a man with an
aversion to affirmation.
 As
Dominic grew, he did so gracefully
with little issue. He was remarkably
curious and inquisitive, but
cautious when it came to embracing
people outside his family. At 22
months he coped with the arrival of
his new brother. Thus began
Dominic's lifelong struggle with
being overly responsible and
striving for perfection. He was
always a good boy and did what was
expected. He was a caretaker and
never understood his younger
siblings that were not bogged down
by the need to be responsible.
If anyone ever asks me if I have any
regrets in life, my only regret
would be that I didn't show Dominic
more love. Shortly after he was born
I gave birth to his brother and
sister and his father left us. I
struggled with handling the daily
stresses of our life and he needed
more attention. If I had it to do
all over again, I would put other
things aside and spend more time
with Dominic. Since that's
impossible I pray for him every day
hoping God will fill in for my
inadequacies.
 Today
is Dominic's 28th birthday. His
brother, sister, nieces and I
traveled hours to be with him on
this special day, letting him know
how much he means to us. Today, he
is a brilliant artist and a
remarkable writer with insights that
are deep, thoughtful and expressive.
He struggles in his life with
shyness and being different - all
artists do. But the gifts he has
both discovered and undiscovered
will continue to surprise him and us
as he progresses in life. I believe
Dominic will make a difference in
the world.
Sadly, the world is not kind to
people like my oldest son - but
after they make their mark on the
world, they tend to gently love us
and subsequent generations with
their creations - their
interpretations - their insights.
They bring light into the darkness
and the darkness can never really
overcome the gifts they leave to us.
Happy birthday, baby boy.
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